i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
