this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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