What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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