Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
