Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
