Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
