he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
