wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How external is "for external use only"?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
