Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
