Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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