She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
