I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
