We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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