I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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