Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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