can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
