It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
