Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
