Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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