Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
