I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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