I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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