Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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