batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
