no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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