he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
