If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
