Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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