There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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