I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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