Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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