Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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