Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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