And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
