just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Never let your siblings swipe right.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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