im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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