I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
