it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
