totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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