just come out here and I will go home with you...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize