Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
