The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
