I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize