Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
