Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
