It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
honey bunches of taint.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
