I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
