I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i think i just lost a toe
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
