You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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