why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
