I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
