On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
