Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
