i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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