were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
