She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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