We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
