just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
