Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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