We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
