every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
