let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
