i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
