when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
