shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize