Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
