I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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