So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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