hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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