If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
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This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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