yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
