I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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