remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
