I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
