i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We need to rekindle our bromance
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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