$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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