Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
