You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
