I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
