i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
