it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
