i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
