i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
